Top Tips for Dealing with Aging Parents: Part 1 Money

Disclaimer: These are my personal experiences with dealing with aging parents. I recommend that everyone consult professionals when needed.

Are you ready for dealing with aging parents? What do you need to do before, during, and after?

I thought that I was well prepared for dealing with my aging parents…oh boy was I wrong.

Storytime: Both my parents are alive. My mother’s physical health started to deteriorate during the pandemic. She was having balance issues and falling quite frequently. She refused any help.

She was diagnosed with a rare form of Parkinson’s and has gotten worse. Things got bad quickly. She eventually ended up in and out of hospitals. All of this costs a lot of money.

We were forced to move her into assisted living. We wish we had gotten her in sooner.

My father is having memory issues and still living at home. We are waiting for a larger apartment to move him to assisted living. And this is why I decided to share my story about dealing with aging parents.

I feel like people don’t talk about this enough…or at all. No one prepares you for this.

I will be writing a 3 part series on dealing with aging parents. You will need to be prepared in these 3 categories:

• Money
• Home/Stuff
• Medical

First, we will deal with everything that deals with money. I’m going to give you all my personal experiences…what I’ve done right and what mistakes we have made. Some of the mistakes are unavoidable. But mistakes can cost you money.

And depending on your financial situation, you don’t want to make too many mistakes.

Full disclosure: I have a brother who is working alongside me while dealing with aging parents. We have both discovered each other’s strengths. I of course am in charge of the money. He has been in charge of medical stuff, and we have been splitting the work on their home and stuff. And if you have elderly parents like mine, then you know they have STUFF!!!

Yes, all CAPS and exclamation.

But for this post, I am going to give you my top tips for dealing with aging parents: Money

Make a Will

My #1 tip for dealing with aging parents is getting a Will…a real legal Will, from an attorney. I recommend this, even if there isn’t a lot of wealth.

I got on my parents about 10 years ago about getting a Will drawn up from an attorney. Thankfully their financial planner also recommended getting a Will. My father thought a handwritten Will would suffice. NO!!! That would be asking for legal trouble for my brother and me in the future. We had a Will drawn up.

There was nothing fancy about the Will. It covered the division of assets and a trust. It also included medical directives and Power of Attorneys (POA). We will talk more about medical directives in Part 3.

The POA has become one of the first mistakes. As we now wish that I had immediately taken power of attorney. Due to my current circumstances, I am having to visit with the attorney again to have this changed.

Everybody’s family situation is different, but for us, this has slowed up our situation. We can’t make decisions as quickly as we need to. Without POA, you are not able to pay or negotiate their bills. Something as simple as turning off their unwanted internet is impossible without a POA.

Of course, you need to choose your POA to be someone that you completely trust.

Income

The next step with dealing with aging parents is income. You will need to know where they are receiving income. A lot elderly people are receiving income from multiple sources:

• Social Security
• Pensions
• IRA (required distributions)
• Rental Income
• Annuities
• Dividends

My parents were smart enough to hire a financial planner years ago. I have quarterly meetings with their advisors to discuss all their investments. This planner has been a lifesaver.

Our planner was able to simplify where everything was located. I now know what I can expect monthly from all these sources. I also know where everything is deposited and when.

When you get into assisted living expenses, you will need to pay careful attention to your income.

My parents did not have Long Term Care Insurance. This insurance would have paid for assisted living expenses. I have never been an advocate for expensive insurance, but we are kicking ourselves now.

Assets

If you have a Will, then you should have a list of all their assets. Dealing with aging parents will require you to ask tough questions. You will need to gather a list of all their holdings. Our financial planner was able to gather most of this for us.

Our financial planner is able to keep track of:

• stocks
• bonds
• investments
• insurance policies
• real estate
• all income sources

You need to know what real estate they may hold and what debt is attached to each property.

You will also need to be prepared for dealing with cars. They will stop driving but will hold onto those vehicles. You need to know where car titles are located when it comes time to sell.

Of course my parents, have been collectors of stuff. More than I could ever imagine.

• Rare coins
• Toys
• Collectibles

You need to have tough discussions about when to sell these items. In my case, this has been overwhelming.

My brother and I both work and have our own families. Finding time to deal with this stuff has been difficult.

Luckily, our realtor has set us up with lots of different people. A person to buy collectibles, a person who auctions furniture, and a person who hauls off junk.

It’s a process, but thankfully I have a brother to help with all this stuff.

Debt

Hopefully your parents do not have any debt…but you need to ask.

Do they have mortgages or car loans?

You also need to be prepared for funeral costs when the time comes.

Things that we considered debt in our family was their timeshare. We needed to eliminate this debt. Neither one of us wanted a timeshare.

Lucky for us, this was all we had to deal with. I recommend speaking with an attorney regarding any outstanding debt, as I am not an expert on debt after death.

Insurance

Insurance is another category that is very important. This can include:

• Medical Insurance
• Life Insurance
• Long-Term Care Insurance
• Specialty Insurance

Medical insurance is one of the most important. This can include several Medicare Plans or private insurance from previous employers.

Do they have any life insurance policies? You will want to keep copies of these policies and who to contact when the time comes to cash out.

You need to know if they have long-term care insurance. Wish we did. This would have helped us cover the cost of assisted living.

I hope this helps get you started on a financial organization plan. I wish we had done things differently, but we are doing the best we can.

I also wish that we had started earlier on things like their home and stuff. This has been one of the most overwhelming tasks.

I also want to recognize that this is very stressful for the responsible party. Be sure to find ways to deal with stress. This can be walking or traveling.

Find something that works for you to deal with the stress.

I will devote my next post to all things home and stuff. Stay tuned….